hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
