Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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