i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
