Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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