I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
