we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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