You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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