dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
