don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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