that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
