He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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