I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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