I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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