i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
