Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
