It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
