fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Boobs are out for the taking
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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