Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
