There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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