If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
