Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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