just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
there is puke in my bra ... again
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