So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
