in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
