Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
