apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
