Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Randomize
