If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
