I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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