i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
