If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
