3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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