I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
