I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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