I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
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