I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
