I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
