I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
