the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
