Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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