Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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