Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
