Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
