Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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