I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
