Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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