We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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