Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
