remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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