Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize