I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
