I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my liver is dry heaving
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
