the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my poor anus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
