were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
