If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She bit a glass in half.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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