You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
