girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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