How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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