Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nutella sex= disaster
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
