I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
