Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

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  (818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong... (714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week? (818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it http://tfl.nu/by7p
  Replies (3) Good night (2696) Bad night (637)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

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  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6619) Bad night (968)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

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  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (68) Good night (18134) Bad night (1404)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

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  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
  Replies (11) Good night (5568) Bad night (2382)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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  (541): She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad. http://tfl.nu/yao2
  Replies (9) Good night (749) Bad night (2934)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.

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  (479): She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed. http://tfl.nu/si5q
  Replies (8) Good night (4574) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.

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  (269): There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now. http://tfl.nu/59k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1506) Bad night (601)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?

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  (631): I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/hi71
  Replies (3) Good night (1146) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!

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  (910): It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed! http://tfl.nu/bbxy
  Replies (10) Good night (1874) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.

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  (315): It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people. http://tfl.nu/powz
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (178)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.

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  (315): That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes. http://tfl.nu/lakd
  Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (201)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.

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  (727): Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself. http://tfl.nu/eket
  Replies (4) Good night (367) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency

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  (905): I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency http://tfl.nu/kfxd
  Replies (2) Good night (240) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car

  (831): View more from California

  Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU

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  (415): She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car (831): Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU http://tfl.nu/qj3f
  Replies (0) Good night (374) Bad night (163)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have suspicion of morning wood.

  (281): View more from Texas

  How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?

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  (832): I have suspicion of morning wood. (281): How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis? http://tfl.nu/x95m
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (188)

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