Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.