My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
