i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
