Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
