So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
