I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
