There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
