Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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