NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
