Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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