Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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