trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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