This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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