Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
