real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
