I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize